5 Questions to Ask Husbands Who Recently Retired

Rant:

Here are 5 questions I would REALLY like to ask my husband who fully retired a few months ago:

1. Do you realize you are following me around?
2. Have you called Jack, John, Steve and/or ANYONE to see if you can meet them for lunch…on a regular basis?
3. Is it true spouses can not testify against each other in a court of law?
4. So, where are you going today?
5. How is it possible to sit in one spot for 6 hours straight?

And, I must add this one told to me by a friend:  “See this sheet of paper?” she said.  “What is it?” he said. ” This is a stroke tally of how many times you called my name in the last hour!”  It was the first day they were home together after his retirement!

It’s a good thing my husband Jake has a sense of humor.  When I told him the theme of this blog, he said, “Just be as kind as you can.”

Rodney Brooks, a columnist for the Washington Post  www.washingtonpost.com, wrote in the Business section on November 1, 2015, “So you retired. Now what do you do?”   “Make sure you have something to do. Your marriage may depend on it.”

I’m thinking if you have a good marriage and good communication, getting through this phase may not be pleasant but doable, at least that is what a psychologist friend tells me.  She also says the number one reason women come to her, after retirement age, is to learn how to deal with their husbands who are about to leave the workforce or have already left. She asks the wife if the husband would be amenable to talking with her?  If so, she teaches them about ‘sampling.’ Sampling is merely trying different things, just to try them.  If something appeals, great.  If not, move on to something else.  No pressure. No being overwhelmed.

Another fascinating article, “Can Your Marriage Survive Retirement?” dated January 24th, 2013, was written by Robert Laura, Contributor to Forbes: www.forbes.com.   He says that, “Retirement seems particularly  hard on men who haven’t prepared for the transition.” Laura also sites Miriam Goodman, author of Too Much Togetherness: Surviving Retirement As A Couple who “made the issue very real by noting that Japanese researchers have come up with a clinical diagnosis called Retired Husband Syndrome.” Women in Japan are visiting doctors with ‘physiological reactions like rashes, nervous tics, headaches,’ et al.

 

Attitude:

I feel a little guilty about slanting this post towards women and their plight, however, everything I read reinforced my observations. It got me thinking about how men in our generation were raised differently than women in terms of their number one defined role, that of breadwinner. Period! No wonder the transition to retirement is so hard.  Women are multi-taskers.  We can take care of a household, raise kids, WORK outside the home and seem more socially integrated.  Leaving the workforce may be difficult for us, but we adapt quicker than our male counterparts.

I created a survey to see what you think.  You can find it at the link below.  I would appreciate you asking your spouse to take it, as well:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/r/N2HT6VR

Will Rogers once said, “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. The average person has roughly 20 years (remember this is Will Rogers era) remaining after retirement-time enough to write a masterpiece, run a marathon, or mentor hundreds of youth. There’s even time to do nothing, discover the beauty of grandkids, or rekindle the romance of a long ago relationship.  Tomorrow can be the beginning of new adventures, new joys, and greater successes-how you spend it is up to you.”

I had a colleague who retired the minute he was eligible.  His goal was to live the way his dad lived, 35 years after retirement, traveling, reading, doing whatever he wanted to do with or without his wife’s involvement.  I just heard this wonderful man passed away.  If I count the years since the day of his retirement I believe it would be very close to 35 years.  Tony, you did it!  I would call that a life well lived!  I hope your two sons are inspired to do the same and they teach their sons and daughters the art of retiring well.  I know you inspired a lot of us to follow in your footsteps!

 

 

 

Originally posted 2015-11-22 22:21:48.