Category Archives: Rant
Aging: What Women Taught Me About Men
Rant:
Aging: What Women Taught Me About Men
**I wrote this blog based on the experiences I have had. It can be applied to all forms of relationships.
My twin sister Linda and I, along with our sister Susan, were raised by a single Mom. Susan was 5, Linda and I were 3 when our parents separated. There was lots of drama that accompanied that event. It lasted for a long time.
It was the 50’s. Dad was absent, both physically and financially. As a result, even though I was surrounded by aunts and uncles who had wonderful long marriages, I did not receive good messages about men, period. I always went for the guys that were unavailable. They were my Dad!
I’ve been married three times. The first was for 5 minutes (one year), the second was 10 years later (for 12 years) then 13 years later I married Jake. We will be celebrating our 15th anniversary this November.
When the second marriage ended I was devasted. I walked into a therapist’s office and said, “Tell me how to prevent that from ever happening again.” Four years later I graduated.
I learned to observe women when they were with men. I also learned to ask questions of women I trusted.
Rave:
Aging: What Women Taught Me About Men
Fast forward to the summer of 2019. My car had been hit while parked in front of the house. Jake followed me to an auto body shop. As I was talking to a girl behind the counter, Jake came in and said, “Everything alright Honey? Do you need me?” I said no. He kissed me on my forehead and left to wait in the car. When I turned back around the girl was staring at me. “Wow, that was cool, she said. The men of my generation don’t look up from their phones long enough to know we exist. It’s just the way it is, I guess.” I smiled at her, but, inside I was saying, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Consequently, I could not stop thinking about our conversation. Everything bubbled up in me. No, I said to myself, it really doesn’t have to be that way. I thought long and hard about imposing upon this girl. After all, who was I to tell her what I learned? However, if someone had given me pointers it could have saved me heartache and confusion.
When I returned to the shop for a follow-up visit, I handed the girl an envelope. “These were pointers I received along the way to the relationship I have now. Maybe they can be of use to you too,” I said.
This is what was written inside:
What Women Taught Me About Men
!) Women teach men how to treat them.
2) If a man tells you something about himself believe him:
For example: “You don’t want to get mixed up with me.”
It’s probably true.
3) Try not to be available all the time.
4) Say “yes” and stick to it. Say “no” and stick to it.
5) Ask for what you want with dignity and respect…but ask.
6) If you assume a role:
Example…Doing the laundry for both of you, making all the social plans, cleaning, cooking, paying the bills, etc.
you’ll probably have that role for the rest of your life.
7) Do not give up your friends.
8) Avoid passive aggressive behavior. Say what works and doesn’t work when it happens.
9) Say thank you, give praise, be kind.
10) Make yourself happy. You are the only one who can.
A few weeks later when I returned to retrieve my car I was met by the girl who was seemingly waiting for me. She thanked me more than a few times and said she posted it on her Instagram with over 40 great responses from her friends.
Attitude:
Aging: What Women Taught Me About Men
I could write the name of every woman who taught me, either by example or advice, next to the tips above. They left an enormous impact.
Maybe I made that same impact on a young woman on her journey.
Below is a portion from http://secure.dailyom.com dated March 16, 2020, entitled: Becoming Our Own Role Models:
If we envision a world where women support each other and help each other find their place in an ever-changing world, then we can become the change we want to see. Jealousy, envy, criticism, and judgment are refuges for the insecure. As we help others to become self-assured, we create a world in which all people help each other, regardless of gender. Only women can make the change in how women are seen and understood, not just by other women but by the world at large. The way we speak about each other to other women and to the men in our lives informs everyone to treat us with the respect that all women, and all people, deserve.
I thank the women who imparted their wisdom to me.
It felt good to pass it on.
5 Important Tips to Combat “Well, at your age”
Re-posting…
Rant:
“Well, at your age.” ” If I hear that one more time,” that’s what my mother-in-law Zelda used to say with such drama and sarcasm. Ya well, I’m beginning to relate. I asked my 98-year-old Mom if her doctor ever used that phrase? She said yes he had but only once. How did she get him to stop saying it, I inquired. “All I said was, how old are you doctor? He said he was 52. You know at your age lots of things are beginning to happen. Right? Would you like me to remind you of that fact every time I saw you?” While talking to the doctor Mom said all she could think about was that ‘little blue pill!’
Washington Post had an article in the Health & Science section by Steven Petrow called I’m a boomer who’s not yet ready to be old. Petrow says he’s “been steeped in the stereotypes of what it means to be old”. The example he gives is “funny”… “birthday cards that equate being older with being decrepit.” I actually bought a card last week to use in a future blog. I guess the time is now:
Really? 50 for goodness sake! Think back when you were 50 or headed that way, are you a lot of the above? I”ll give you ‘squinty’…but that’s all I’ll give you! At 50 I was running 10K’s, traveling all over the world, making a great living at a job I loved, dating and loving life! What about you? Oh, and by the way, the dwarfs were already 50 when we met them in the 1950’s and they carried pickaxes, got up at the crack of dawn, walked miles to work, hacked into the side of a mountain all day, threw big rocks onto a cart on a rail line and walked home in the dark!
Rave:
Mom says she doesn’t know what 96 is supposed to feel or be like. Case in point, the other day she told me she was a little unsteady on her feet and was wondering if it was possibly due to her age!
A girl I row with said, “you don’t look or act like you’re 72!” She’s 43. So, I was going to write another blog about the perceptions younger people have on age and old. And, boom, AARP publishes a video on-line two weeks ago: “We asked millennials to show us what “old” looks like, and then introduced them to real “old” people. Watch what happened next.” #DisruptAging I hope you watch it. It is very powerful.
I think between today’s Washington Post article and the AARP video, the universe is telling me I’m on the right path with my Rants, Raves and Attitudes!
Attitudes:
5 Tips to Combat “Well at your age”:
- Don’t drink the Kool-Aid! Just because you woke up and felt achy doesn’t mean it’s over, you’re old! What did you do the day before? Could be more than a millennial did! Just saying.
- Look at the positives: I find not beating myself up about stupid stuff I’ve said or done is freeing. When I was younger, oh I was so hard on myself. Glad I’m not anymore.
- Take a risk. A friend of mine calls it ‘sampling’. A neighbor told me he started a drawing class. He says he’s the worst in the class, but he didn’t care. Don’t care so much about the outcome. Just try it.
- Seek out like-minded people. People who are positive. People who are active, whatever that looks like.
- Be proud of where you are: I know I am the best almost 69-year-old person I can be. Do you? Are you enjoying life to the fullest? I hang out with lots of people who do as much, and some times more, than people younger than ourselves. I’m grateful I made it here. So, when someone asks you ‘how old are you anyway?’ say with a great deal of pride, “I’m (state your age).” It’ll take you back to your teens when you were so proud to say how old you were because you were growing up. YA, like that!!
Originally posted 2016-04-20 00:05:30.
Aging-Vulnerabilities
Rant:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
Hi there. It’s been a while!
I could say that life got in the way and that is partly true. If I were completely honest with myself and you, I’d say whatever confidence I had about writing encouraging words and wisdom vanished! It was fear! After all, who am I to communicate to others my experiences as a woman in my 70’s (OH MY!), with the hope that I could make a difference in other people’s lives. My 100-year-old Mom’s experiences, yes! Not mine.
I found every excuse in the world for not doing the one thing that I love, writing. But this is personal stuff, I thought. This is baring my soul, showing my vulnerabilities. It felt like I was back in the seventh grade. Remember THAT feeling? All those ‘what if’s’: What if people don’t like me anymore or think I’m full of myself! What if they think my writing sucks! Do you know what I discovered? Those seventh-grade feelings are visceral! They’re in my DNA. Who knew! Did you? Now that’s a blog for another day.
Rave:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
In the past year, I have had occasions that have shown me, yes, I’ve been around a while and I have had life experiences that possibly/probably will resonate with others.
So I’m taking a deep breath while I write, vulnerabilities be damned.
Attitude:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
I will be writing about those experiences very soon.
I look forward to sharing them with you and receiving your feedback.
I think I just graduated!
Originally posted 2020-04-16 23:28:31.
Tip For A Long Life: Laugh-Play
Rant:
Tip for a long life: laugh-play!! Did you know the word ‘play’ can be used as both a noun and a verb? The example given using ‘play’ as a noun is, “a child at play may use a stick as an airplane.” ‘Play’ used as a verb, is defined as ‘activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.’ Example given: “the children went outside to play.”
And therein lies the rub. How come I could not find any examples using the word ‘adult’ when describing the word play? Does something happen to us as we ‘grow-up’? Does society give us the message that ‘play’ is only for children and at a certain age it’s time to get serious about life? I think it does. And, guess what, we forget about playing!! I’m talking about ‘activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose’ too! I’m talking about ‘goofing’ around, giggling, screaming with delight, laughing so hard no sound comes out, doing a silly dance, jumping in a pile of leaves, expressing yourself for pure enjoyment whether through art or dance or any of a thousand other ways!
Rave:
Laugh-play, that’s my Mom. She has such a cute little girl. Oh, wait, I bet you think I’m talking about me! Nope. I’m talking about the little girl that’s inside her. I realize that I have known her little girl since I was a little girl!
See Mom’s little girl in this photo? I can.
Mom being a goof
Mom was a single parent and on most Sunday mornings my two sisters and I would pile into her double bed, which at the time seemed enormous. The biggest fight we had was who was getting each side of her. “You were there last time, Susan. It’s my turn”, I’d say. Mom would intervene and figure it out then we’d settle down and wrap ourselves around each other. We would giggle and laugh and talk about silly things. She was as silly as we were. At our goofiest we would make up games and songs. She would tell us the whole story about musicals such as South Pacific or My Fair Lady and transport us to wonderful places. As we aged subjects were added, like taking care of ourselves as young women. I remember the first time Mom told Susan it was okay for her to pluck her eyebrows, then looked at Susan and said, “Susan, what happened to your eyebrows?” Hence laughing so hard no sound came out. I visited Mom a few weeks ago (right before her 96th birthday). When I awoke the first morning my little girl was all excited to jump in bed with Mom and her little girl, which is exactly what I did! As we were snuggling she said to me, “Too bad we don’t have a paper route. I could fold them, you could throw them!” Once again laughter, giggling and goofing commenced.
I believe that the little boy or little girl we once were still lives within us. I am amazed to learn that many people are surprised when I say that. My friend Ann Ranson is one of those people. I was telling her a story about Mom’s little girl and she said, “Wait, your Mom has a little girl? I didn’t know there was a little girl/boy still with us.” Well, I say ‘yes!’ Ann has always talked about playing more and creating more. I saw her recently and BOY has she tapped into her little girl. She sets a timer and when it goes off the music plays, that’s her time to dance around her house. She also has carved out a space to create her art and recently was accepted into a show at the Bath House Cultural Center.
Look closely at this photo of my friends Andy Taylor and Marie Taylor-Morrison. Andy is in the stripped shirt and Marie is to his right. Two ‘kids’ having the time of their lives! For the record, play and fun are a HUGE part of their lives together to this day and I love it!
Andy and Marie…doing what they do best…PLAYING
Attitude:
If you are a parent or grandparent with young children, show them that play and laughter are wonderful things. Play WITH them. So, I say to you, get re-acquainted with that little person. Experiment. Give yourself permission to be a goofball, laugh, sing, dance, scream with joy and giggle with abandon!
I believe we still carry that little girl or boy inside us because I see and hear my 96-year-old Mother’s little girl all the time! Wow, thank you Mom!! If she is any indication that laugh and play helps prolong our lives what are you waiting for?
Originally posted 2016-02-10 20:09:36.