In Defense of an Independent Woman
Attitude:
An independent woman. That’s what my 96 year old Mom called herself today. She said it because at 96 things are beginning to happen that make her less independent and she is uncomfortable about it all. “I’m forgetting where I put things and my body is changing. I’m finding it so hard to accept. I have been an independent woman my whole life.”
Believe me I know how lucky I am to still have Mom! Many of you have seen your parents and loved ones age and go through the process Mom is going through right now. I have not. Neither has Mom. Her Dad died when she was 12 and her mother was institutionalized (a post for a different day) when mother was very young. She has said to me more than once that she never really saw anyone grow old. That’s a double edged sword, if you ask me. On the one hand, she has no preconceived ideas what she should be like, act like or look like at 96. So she has created herself counter to the mindset in this country and become an inspiration to many. On the other hand neither she nor I know what to expect. Maybe even if we did it would still be a hard thing to watch, and I am sure for Mom, it’s a hard thing to be going through.
You can read and talk about what to say to a parent when you know it’s time to take their car keys or move them to a assisted living facility. But, how do you respond to a parent who says they are acutely aware their bodies and minds are changing and they are embarrassed and what the hell happened to their independence? In other words, what do you say when you can’t stop the forward momentum of their lives and neither can they? What I was able to come up with was to tell her that I heard her. That it must be very difficult for her and that it was all okay. I said not to be so hard on herself and I was proud of her no matter what. I told her that we had hired a person to be with her who, up to this point, hasn’t had much to do so it was time she earned her keep. That made Mom laugh! And even though in my gut and in my heart I was so sad, to hear her laugh was the BEST.
I had an ‘aha’ moment when Mom called herself ‘an independent woman’. No wonder I have always been attracted to women in life and in novels who have their struggles and overcome them without much help from others. There is strength and dignity and grace from experiences of that kind. And no matter what happens in life, that never ever ever goes away. I’m going to tell Mom that the next time I speak to her!!
Originally posted 2016-03-02 21:17:59.
Aging-Vulnerabilities
Rant:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
Hi there. It’s been a while!
I could say that life got in the way and that is partly true. If I were completely honest with myself and you, I’d say whatever confidence I had about writing encouraging words and wisdom vanished! It was fear! After all, who am I to communicate to others my experiences as a woman in my 70’s (OH MY!), with the hope that I could make a difference in other people’s lives. My 100-year-old Mom’s experiences, yes! Not mine.
I found every excuse in the world for not doing the one thing that I love, writing. But this is personal stuff, I thought. This is baring my soul, showing my vulnerabilities. It felt like I was back in the seventh grade. Remember THAT feeling? All those ‘what if’s’: What if people don’t like me anymore or think I’m full of myself! What if they think my writing sucks! Do you know what I discovered? Those seventh-grade feelings are visceral! They’re in my DNA. Who knew! Did you? Now that’s a blog for another day.
Rave:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
In the past year, I have had occasions that have shown me, yes, I’ve been around a while and I have had life experiences that possibly/probably will resonate with others.
So I’m taking a deep breath while I write, vulnerabilities be damned.
Attitude:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
I will be writing about those experiences very soon.
I look forward to sharing them with you and receiving your feedback.
I think I just graduated!
Originally posted 2020-04-16 23:28:31.
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
Rave:
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
I remember hearing family members say it was hard to be around so and so because they complained all the time. Then someone would say, ‘They’re old. They’re entitled!’ Consequently, it left an impression on me…old people are entitled to complain.
My 100-year-old mother has never been a complainer! She could have been. Her mother was put in an institution when Mom was 12 years old and her dad died of pneumonia shortly afterward, leaving Mom to live with her sister. At age 17 she met my Dad, got married, had the three of us, and then he left. On top of that, she lost her oldest daughter to cancer. I could go on.
I asked her why she wasn’t bitter. “I have always felt loved,” she said.
The smile you can see a mile away
February of this year was Mom’s 100th birthday. The celebration was awesome. We beat the Pandemic by a week. Consequently, we have not seen her since. She does have an aide 6 days a week from 8 AM to 1 PM which is all she requires.
Linda and I call her every day.
Our conversations go something like this:
“Hi, Ma! How are you?
“Everything is wonderful,” she sings out (literally).
“What did you do today?”
“I walked around the parking lot 3 times. You know, my beautiful tree is coming back to life. I bet it’s because I talk to it every day.”
“What did you have for dinner?”(Her aide makes everything before she leaves)
“I have absolutely no idea so I only ate half! It was ok.”
And it goes on…
She makes us laugh. She tells us how much she loves us. We giggle like three school kids.
Attitude:
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
I’ve written down some of Mom’s best lines during this Pandemic:
-I don’t expect miracles
-I love my house
-I’m grateful and thankful
-I’ve become a sports fan. I love basketball and golf.
-I’m happy
-Don’t worry. I’m doing fine.
-Love you, love you, love you, girls!
If Mom’s attitude is based on the premise that she’s always felt loved and the above is the result of feeling that love, then as the famous line in When Harry Met Sally goes, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
We can remind ourselves that we ‘have always felt loved’ by thinking of family, friends, and even our animals whose love and affection have sustained us through the best and worst of times.
Mom has gained perspective over the years. She has known through thick and thin that her mantra has helped her make it through. Maybe it’s time we borrow her mantra and make it our own.
She would be thrilled.
Originally posted 2020-05-19 19:17:13.
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
Rave:
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
I flew to LA, January of 2019, to meet up with two friends I’ve known for over 40 years. We first met in Dallas Texas in 1975. You could say we grew up together. Eventually, Patty moved to California, Annie moved to Australia and I moved to Virginia.
It was time for a get together.
Patty showed us a wonderful time. A tour of LA, The Getty and other fantastic places.
We even took a train from Patty’s home in Simi Valley to Santa Barbara http://www.santabarbaraca.com for the day. A train! A whistleblowing, honest to goodness train! Very exciting. We boarded a late train back to Simi Valley. As we sat down facing each other ready to kick back, two guys maybe 18 or 19 years old, sat directly across the aisle.
What caught our attention immediately was the sound coming out of one of the boys’ phones. It was Bob Dylan! Wait. What? Bob Dylan?
After listening for awhile we had to ask:
Why Bob Dylan?
Because he is a premier poet and musician, they said.
A very impressive, thought out answer!
We watched him become famous, we responded.
As a result of that statement, the questions began to fly:
Who were the first musical groups you saw? they inquired.
Jimi Hendrix (Patty), ELO (Me), The Rolling Stones with opening act Rod Stewart, who no one knew, in his gold lame skin-tight jumpsuit. (Annie).
What other musicians, groups did you listen to?
Sting, Beatles Doobies, Chicago, Eagles, Eric Clapton, James Taylor and Carol King.
They had listened to them all.
What do the three of you do for a living?
We’re retired.
Wow retired young! (Such nice guys) What’s the secret to doing that?
Patty: I just read that to retire on your own terms at say 55, you’re going to need at least 5 million dollars.
The color faded from their faces but they seemed not to be deterred.
How do we get there?
Patty: Save and diversify your portfolio.
Annie: It’s all about the connections you make. Make good ones.
Me: Work hard, be vigilant, work at what you love. The money will come.
Have the three of you ever tried recreational drugs?
Yes. (It was the 70’s for goodness sakes)
I like marijuana. I sorta like LSD. I’ve done it a few times when I listen to music. I don’t like Cocaine the less talkative one said.
We asked if cocaine and LSD were as prevalent as they used to be given marijuana is legal in California.
Yes.
Where do you live?
When I said I lived in Virginia, one of them said he was thinking of transferring from UC Santa Barbara to a college in the east. Which colleges in DC would I recommend?
I said Georgetown and American.
Before we knew it an hour and a half had passed. It was time for us to leave.
Hey, we said, who turned you on to Bob Dylan?
My grandfather, the more talkative one responded!!
Of course it was his grandfather!!
Attitude:
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
We were disappointed that our part of the journey had come to an end, however, when we got off the train Annie said she felt like she’d been to confession!!
That being said the ride gave the 3 of us the opportunity to ‘re-live’ some of the best times of our ‘growing up’ together. Sharing wisdom and parts of that experience with those 2 kids, who soaked up every word, made it really special.
According to Wikipedia http://www.en.m.wikipedia.org: ‘The meme ‘Ok Boomer’ gained popularity in November of 2019 used to mock attitudes attributed to the baby boomer generation.’ Every generation has a problem with the generations that came before them. And vice versa. Remember when Rock-n-Roll first came on the scene?
I’m sure Boomers did a lot of things wrong but I’m pretty sure we did a lot right.
Take that grandfather who turned his grandson on to what the three of us think is the greatest music ever written…Hey, we’re Boomers. And, that grandfather seemed to have raised a child who raised a child to appreciate, respect and value the experiences and advice of those who came before him.
Yep, to sum it up, I’d say we’re okay, Boomers!
Originally posted 2020-04-24 13:21:53.