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Aging: Words of Wisdom from the Last Woman Standing
The smile you can see a mile away
Rant:
Aging: Words of wisdom from the last woman standing…
Yep, that’s my 98-year-old Mom. As of two weeks ago, she lost her last friend. All of her family is gone too. Just writing the above sentences makes me want to breathe in a bag! My way of saying that my heart is beating faster and I can feel myself begin to hyperventilate. How does she stay positive and upbeat? She wears a smile you can see a mile away. What has she learned that has helped her navigate this not so great part of the aging process?
Rave:
Aging: Words of wisdom from the last woman standing…
I have asked Mom how she deals with loss and dramatic changes. First of all, she says, she learned a long time ago that nothing stays the same and has embraced that idea wholeheartedly. I can relate. “Nothing stays the same” has become my mantra of late. Secondly, Mom does have Linda and me, and many of you have children that you hope will take care of you until the end of your life. According to Mom, don’t count on it. It’s a harsh reality that some kids don’t take care of their parents or find it difficult because their lives are full.
Mom says, she “has always felt loved” and because of that, she can love, not only others but herself. Consequently, she is perfectly fine with her own company. And therein lies the key for me. I have struggled with self-love my whole life. Realizing Mom’s scenario may be mine someday, I’m inspired by her to finally let that struggle go.
Attitude:
Aging: Words of wisdom from the last woman standing…
What can we learn from this 98-year-old who has lost family, a daughter and all of her friends? Lots.
Mom’s self-love playbook:
Move on
Mom is not a saint! She does get sad. She does cry. I have cried with her and I have held her while she’s cried. However, she does not dwell there. We usually end up laughing and she moves on.
Gratitude
Every day Mom says out loud, “Thank you for my life.”
Curiosity
She asks people questions about their lives and really listens to their answers. She stays engaged.
Take care of yourself
Mom walks every day, 3 times around her parking lot holding on to her walker, 3 times a day! It’s a mile total.
She eats 1/2 of what is on her plate.
She dresses casually but beautifully every day.
She wears a big smile.
Self-talk
“Hi, Mom”, I say when I call. “How are you?” “WONDERFUL” is always her first response. My sister Linda and I call ‘wonderful’ a mantra.
Her other mantra is, “I have to see people.” (She has an aide that is with her 6 days a week for 5 hours per day who drives her to her favorite restaurant daily for breakfast. I tell her she’s like Norm on the sitcom Cheers. “Everybody knows her name!”)
Laughs often
Mom giggles at things she says. She said to me, “If you’re coming to visit an old lady, she doesn’t live here anymore!” and bursts out laughing.
I hope we are surrounded by love until age 110! May we find love from others but most importantly, may we create our own self-love playbooks and by doing so, inspire others to do the same.
Originally posted 2018-08-04 18:02:12.
Aging: Compassion for Ourselves and Others
Rant:
Aging: Compassion for ourselves and others…
There comes a time in all of our lives that one begins to realize sh– is going to happen! If not to you, to those you love or to your friends and those they love. When something happens, and it will, if you can’t do a thing about it, it hurts. It’s frustrating. It stinks!
So, as we age, why is it so hard sometimes to have compassion for ourselves or for others? Truth be told, we are all going through this together.
Even if you did not learn compassion in your home or from a role model but have experienced loss or illness seems like it would be easy to understand the plight of others who need understanding, empathy, and compassion just as you did. Am I wrong?
Compassion for ourselves:
Well, in the first place, maybe it’s because we have such a hard time finding compassion for ourselves. I wonder where we lost it? Or, did we ever have it? I looked up, ‘Is compassion learned’ and in fact it is. What a revelation!
As you know, I have a great Mom, but I don’t recall if she taught me self-love or compassion for myself. If she did, I’m thinking my life got in the way and I forgot. I do have a lot of compassion and empathy for others. I KNOW for sure Mom taught me that. Growing up in a house with 3 other girls (Mom included) raging hormones and one bathroom we learned understanding, boundaries and how to make-up after a knockdown drag-out! HA!! Whatever the reason, that part is easy.
It’s the compassion for me that’s harder. Going down that path feels like a guilty pleasure. How strange is that? As I get older and little things are happening to Mom and people I love, I’m beginning to realize how much I need that compassion. A loving friend turned me on to http://wildmind.org. It helps. So does exercise, meditation and the fabulous women in my life!
Compassion for others:
If you had no role model to show you what compassion looks like and you’re interested, there are plenty of places to find information. I found a compelling site: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23406/10-easy-ways-to-cultivate-compassion.html
Attitude:
Compassion for ourselves is reaching out to others and telling them what you need. It is not a weakness. It’s a strength. Being there for others, a phone call, a note, a cup of coffee, is a gift.
If you’re not interested in learning about having compassion for yourself or others, please don’t expect it in return.
It’s the mood I’m in today!!
Originally posted 2018-09-17 12:50:17.