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Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
Rave:
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
I flew to LA, January of 2019, to meet up with two friends I’ve known for over 40 years. We first met in Dallas Texas in 1975. You could say we grew up together. Eventually, Patty moved to California, Annie moved to Australia and I moved to Virginia.
It was time for a get together.
Patty showed us a wonderful time. A tour of LA, The Getty and other fantastic places.
We even took a train from Patty’s home in Simi Valley to Santa Barbara http://www.santabarbaraca.com for the day. A train! A whistleblowing, honest to goodness train! Very exciting. We boarded a late train back to Simi Valley. As we sat down facing each other ready to kick back, two guys maybe 18 or 19 years old, sat directly across the aisle.
What caught our attention immediately was the sound coming out of one of the boys’ phones. It was Bob Dylan! Wait. What? Bob Dylan?
After listening for awhile we had to ask:
Why Bob Dylan?
Because he is a premier poet and musician, they said.
A very impressive, thought out answer!
We watched him become famous, we responded.
As a result of that statement, the questions began to fly:
Who were the first musical groups you saw? they inquired.
Jimi Hendrix (Patty), ELO (Me), The Rolling Stones with opening act Rod Stewart, who no one knew, in his gold lame skin-tight jumpsuit. (Annie).
What other musicians, groups did you listen to?
Sting, Beatles Doobies, Chicago, Eagles, Eric Clapton, James Taylor and Carol King.
They had listened to them all.
What do the three of you do for a living?
We’re retired.
Wow retired young! (Such nice guys) What’s the secret to doing that?
Patty: I just read that to retire on your own terms at say 55, you’re going to need at least 5 million dollars.
The color faded from their faces but they seemed not to be deterred.
How do we get there?
Patty: Save and diversify your portfolio.
Annie: It’s all about the connections you make. Make good ones.
Me: Work hard, be vigilant, work at what you love. The money will come.
Have the three of you ever tried recreational drugs?
Yes. (It was the 70’s for goodness sakes)
I like marijuana. I sorta like LSD. I’ve done it a few times when I listen to music. I don’t like Cocaine the less talkative one said.
We asked if cocaine and LSD were as prevalent as they used to be given marijuana is legal in California.
Yes.
Where do you live?
When I said I lived in Virginia, one of them said he was thinking of transferring from UC Santa Barbara to a college in the east. Which colleges in DC would I recommend?
I said Georgetown and American.
Before we knew it an hour and a half had passed. It was time for us to leave.
Hey, we said, who turned you on to Bob Dylan?
My grandfather, the more talkative one responded!!
Of course it was his grandfather!!
Attitude:
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
We were disappointed that our part of the journey had come to an end, however, when we got off the train Annie said she felt like she’d been to confession!!
That being said the ride gave the 3 of us the opportunity to ‘re-live’ some of the best times of our ‘growing up’ together. Sharing wisdom and parts of that experience with those 2 kids, who soaked up every word, made it really special.
According to Wikipedia http://www.en.m.wikipedia.org: ‘The meme ‘Ok Boomer’ gained popularity in November of 2019 used to mock attitudes attributed to the baby boomer generation.’ Every generation has a problem with the generations that came before them. And vice versa. Remember when Rock-n-Roll first came on the scene?
I’m sure Boomers did a lot of things wrong but I’m pretty sure we did a lot right.
Take that grandfather who turned his grandson on to what the three of us think is the greatest music ever written…Hey, we’re Boomers. And, that grandfather seemed to have raised a child who raised a child to appreciate, respect and value the experiences and advice of those who came before him.
Yep, to sum it up, I’d say we’re okay, Boomers!
Originally posted 2020-04-24 13:21:53.
5 Questions to Ask Husbands Who Recently Retired
Rant:
Here are 5 questions I would REALLY like to ask my husband who fully retired a few months ago:
- Do you realize you are following me around?
- Have you called Jack, John, Steve and/or ANYONE to see if you can meet them for lunch…on a regular basis?
- Is it true spouses can not testify against each other in a court of law?
- So, where are you going today?
- How is it possible to sit in one spot for 6 hours straight?
And, I must add this one told to me by a friend: “See this sheet of paper?” she said. “What is it?” he said. ” This is a stroke tally of how many times you called my name in the last hour!” It was the first day they were home together after his retirement!
It’s a good thing my husband Jake has a sense of humor. When I told him the theme of this blog, he said, “Just be as kind as you can.”
Before Jake’s retirement…Kidding!!
Rodney Brooks, a columnist for the Washington Post www.washingtonpost.com, wrote in the Business section on November 1, 2015, “So you retired. Now what do you do?” “Make sure you have something to do. Your marriage may depend on it.”
I’m thinking if you have a good marriage and good communication, getting through this phase may not be pleasant but doable, at least that is what a psychologist friend tells me. She also says the number one reason women come to her, after retirement age, is to learn how to deal with their husbands who are about to leave the workforce or have already left. She asks the wife if the husband would be amenable to talking with her? If so, she teaches them about ‘sampling.’ Sampling is merely trying different things, just to try them. If something appeals, great. If not, move on to something else. No pressure. No being overwhelmed.
Another fascinating article, “Can Your Marriage Survive Retirement?” dated January 24th, 2013, was written by Robert Laura, Contributor to Forbes: www.forbes.com. He says that, “Retirement seems particularly hard on men who haven’t prepared for the transition.” Laura also sites Miriam Goodman, author of Too Much Togetherness: Surviving Retirement As A Couple who “made the issue very real by noting that Japanese researchers have come up with a clinical diagnosis called Retired Husband Syndrome.” Women in Japan are visiting doctors with ‘physiological reactions like rashes, nervous tics, headaches,’ et al.
Attitude:
I feel a little guilty about slanting this post towards women and their plight, however, everything I read reinforced my observations. It got me thinking about how men in our generation were raised differently than women in terms of their number one defined role, that of breadwinner. Period! No wonder the transition to retirement is so hard. Women are multi-taskers. We can take care of a household, raise kids, WORK outside the home and seem more socially integrated. Leaving the workforce may be difficult for us, but we adapt quicker than our male counterparts.
I created a survey to see what you think. You can find it at the link below. I would appreciate you asking your spouse to take it, as well:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/r/N2HT6VR
Will Rogers once said, “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. The average person has roughly 20 years (remember this is Will Rogers era) remaining after retirement-time enough to write a masterpiece, run a marathon, or mentor hundreds of youth. There’s even time to do nothing, discover the beauty of grandkids, or rekindle the romance of a long ago relationship. Tomorrow can be the beginning of new adventures, new joys, and greater successes-how you spend it is up to you.”
I had a colleague who retired the minute he was eligible. His goal was to live the way his dad lived, 35 years after retirement, traveling, reading, doing whatever he wanted to do with or without his wife’s involvement. I just heard this wonderful man passed away. If I count the years since the day of his retirement I believe it would be very close to 35 years. Tony, you did it! I would call that a life well lived! I hope your two sons are inspired to do the same and they teach their sons and daughters the art of retiring well. I know you inspired a lot of us to follow in your footsteps!
Originally posted 2015-11-22 22:21:48.
5 Myths About Aging Debunked
Rave:
Myth number one debunked: Your age doesn’t have to dictate your style!
Case in point: Some of Mom’s shoes and one of her tops:
Age should never dictate your dress!
Mom’s new top
“Hi Ma, whatcha doin?” “I’m playing in my closet” she says. And I think to myself, “I wonder how many 95 year old women ‘play’ in their closet?” She is trying on clothes to either have lunch with a friend, go to the hair salon or the grocery store! Mom’s philosophy about her style is to buy clothes that appeal to her. She doesn’t think whether clothes are ‘age appropriate’. She thinks about how they look on her, period. She buys timeless pieces because eventually “they come back in style.” Every once in awhile, she’ll catalog shop and buy a new outfit to ‘update’ her wardrobe. Her clothes are bright and happy. When I am with her, there isn’t a day that goes by that someone doesn’t compliment her on how she looks. I think they are surprised to see what they perceive as an ‘older’ woman, dressing with style and panache and they like it! BOOM! Debunked!
Myth number two debunked: Desire may change but the need for connection and touch never does!
Mom and Bern sitting close
I read an article in the Washington Post Magazine www.washingtonpost.com/magazine recently, about flibanserin, the ‘female viagra’. The FDA has approved flibanserin for pre-menopausal women. Frankly I was steamed! What about the POST-M women? There must not be anyone at the FDA who is over the age of 55!! Then, I remember an incident with Mom about 5 years ago: There was an article sitting on her counter titled something like, ‘Teach a man to kiss the way you want to be kissed!’ “So Mom, what’s with this article?”, I say. “Oh honey, how do you think Bern (her boyfriend) would feel if I gave him this to read? He’s just a little off in that department.” BOOM! Debunked!
Myth number three debunked: You are never too old to find true love!
You’re never too old to find the love of your life
I received a call at the beginning of September from my dear friend Beverly, who has been single since before we met, which was in the early ’90’s. She told me she had found the love of her life who asked her to marry him and could they get married in my home? “WOW! of course!” I screamed!! Beverly has lived in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico for more than 20 years. She is the owner of a very successful business called, lifepathretreats.com. She wrote these remarks for my last blog http://newageaging.com/if-i-knew-then-what-i-know-now-part-two : “I feel so fortunate to have had all of the experiences that I have had as a single person to understand the importance of being myself, loving fully, being happy being single and being present in every moment. The experiences that I had and the lessons I have learned have given me the wisdom and insight in order to love with abandon and yet maintain my own self. It’s truly a gift.” Michael is 75. Beverly is 68. To add to myth number three debunked: Mom and Bern met when they were both 84.
BOOM! Debunked!
Myth number four debunked: Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean you have to act that way!
Mom goofing!
We thought she went into the store for that hat!
Mom laughs and plays all the time. She reminds me to play and laugh and goof. It’s good for the soul!
BOOM! Debunked!
Myth number five debunked: You can have an eclectic, interesting, diverse set of friends at any age. Mother cultivates relationships with people of all ages. She calls to check on them and they call her. They share meals, go to the movies and attend each others’ parties. BOOM! Debunked!
Mom’s 95th. These people were in their late 90’s
Mom’s 95th. These folks were in their 60’s and 70’s
Attitude:
Do not allow yourself to be defined by books, magazines, society, other people or the media when it comes to growing up. Let’s show them that this aging process is so much more than we have been led to believe. BOOM!
Let me know what you think. And, please share my blog with your friends.
Originally posted 2015-10-21 20:33:24.
If I Knew Then What I Know Now…Part One
Rant:
Until a few weeks ago, it had been quite a while since I thought, “Boy, if I knew then what I know now!” It happened at my 50th year high school reunion the beginning of August. Reunions can be benchmarks of growth in one’s life. Wouldn’t you agree? If you have gone to a reunion of any sort, haven’t you walked away thinking, ‘Wow, I never would have thought that about that person/circumstance/situation.’ I am very proud of how far I’ve come. And maybe, just maybe, if I share some of my insights after leaving my reunion I can make a difference in some one else’s life.
What I wish I did not do:
-Smoke! Geez, what was I thinking. It definitely impacted my skin. And, who knows what it did to my insides.
-Be totally focused on the popular kids: trying to act, dress and talk like them. And even after all that, I never felt accepted nor did I find my own identity.
-Boys, boys, boys. Need I say more?
-Let the stigma of growing up in a single parent environment in the 50’s and early 60’s, run a lot of my life.
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/aug/30/growing-up-under-the-divorce-cloud
-Put my education way down the list of priorities and importance.
-Make assumptions about people based strictly on appearance.
-Ignore a compliment.
-Complain profusely about having to work at age 16 every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.
Rave:
What I’m glad I did do:
-Listened to mom when she told me to moisturize every time I washed my face.
My 95 year old Mom still practices what she preaches!
-Walked or rode my bike everywhere, swam at the local pool and skated on an iced parking lot all winter long. Exercise. It’s second nature to me now.
-The boy who broke my heart in high school told me he peaked at 17 and has yet to find himself!! I’m glad we never married!!
-Started work at 16. It taught me a work ethic that has served me well, throughout my entire professional life.
-Realized that if my Dad was in the picture, I never would have the wonderful, intimate relationship I have with my mom for a variety of reasons.
-Learned I never fit in with (who I thought) the popular kids were because I did not accept myself. It had nothing to do with them. I went on my own personal journey. That journey has taught me, don’t judge a book by it’s cover!
-Be thankful that even though education did not feel like a priority especially in high school, I received a wonderful education that has inspired me to be a life-long student.
-Learned to accept a compliment.
Attitude:
When I hear myself saying, “If I knew then what I know now”, I seem to follow it with, “Well, you didn’t so what difference does it make?” I realize life is a process, and if I knew EVERYTHING at 14 years old what would be the point of it all!! Life is an adventure and if one chooses to be open to it, a constant source of “AHA!” moments that are woven together to create a unique tapestry called YOU!
STAYED TUNED FOR: IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW…PART TWO I have asked some exquisite women to write what they would say to their 35-ish selves today. I can’t wait!!!
Originally posted 2015-08-30 18:04:48.