Category Archives: Rave
5 Reasons To Believe in Love After 50!
Rant:
I am writing 5 reasons to believe in love after 50 in response to an article I read recently: http://gateway-women.com/but-what-if-i-dont-want-to-wear-purple-when-im-old/. Although Jody Day’s blog was started in 2011 to support women who are childless (not by choice), which I also relate to, this particular post talks mainly about her having to grieve once again. This time the grief is related to feeling invisible to men after 50.
I will go a step further and say that after a certain age, the whole lot of us become invisible. The awareness of that feeling can leave a person with such a sense of ‘ugh’ in the pit of their stomach. I’ve been there.
While I can relate to Jody’s sense of grief, a day came when I thought, “Hey, wait a minute, how rich and diverse and multi-layered I have become precisely due to the years I’ve been on this earth. No-one or anything can take that away from me, except me!!” Hence, a major shift occurred. It’s one of the main reasons I began this blog.
It’s noteworthy that there are people over 50 that relish their lives without a partner. I get that. There are also people who read my blog that have been married for 20, 30, even 50 years, that are probably saying, ‘What the heck are you all thinking?’ HA! Kidding…!
Rave:
5 reasons to believe in love after 50:
Me, Mom, Cindy, Beverly and one who shall remain anonymous!
ME– Once that ‘ugh’ left the pit of my tummy, my smile returned and so did my zest for living my best life. I took care of me first then everything else seemed to fall into place. Soon after joining a dating site (after 12 years of being single) I met Jake. I was 55. He was only 2 years my junior and was looking for someone he could relate to. The rest is history.
MOM–“I’m done cooking! The kitchen is closed!” That’s what my 96-year-old Mom said when at age 80 she lost her husband. She was done with marriage. She was married over 30 years the second time around. Not that her marriage was bad. It wasn’t. Three years later, while walking out of a restaurant, she stopped to say hello to friends who were dining with a friend of theirs. As she walked away from their table, Bern, the friend, got up and followed Mom out the door. They were together for over 10 years. The dynamics were different this time around. Mom called him her “SO” (significant other). Mom asked Bern what made him run after her. He said he was captivated by her smile. He lived in his home and Mom lived in hers. They were in love until he passed away. And by the way, her kitchen remained closed!!
Bern and Mom
CINDY–I put Cindy in the category of women who for many years relished being single. She has travelled and continues to travel all over the world. She is a cyclist, avid reader, takes classes at a nearby college and has friends all over the place. I know she wasn’t looking for a relationship. It found her. Bruce cycles with her and others. Over a period of time something drew them to each other and BOOM…they are having a wonderful time.
Bruce and Cindy at a Paul McCartney concert
BEVERLY–Dr. Beverly Nelson has a Ph.D in clinical psychology. She is the founder and director of www.lifepathretreats.com in San Miguel de Allende Mexico. Like Cindy, I have known Beverly for over 30 years. What a rich, textured, interesting life she leads. Another exquisite woman who relished her single life until falling in love with Michael. They were married in our home last year.
Michael and Beverly. Married in our home last year.
ONE WHO SHALL REMAIN ANONYMOUS–A friend who has never married, content with her life, her home, her community and her job found love and relationship after 50 with a man she had a crush on years ago. They are having a wonderful adventure.
Attitude:
5 (more) reasons to believe in love after 50:
- Never say never.
- It can happen to you if you want it to.
- Realize men and women have the same desire to find someone they can relate to.
- Be proud of the years of experience that make you you.
- There is nothing more attractive than a smile. Find yours first, everything else will follow.
Most of all Jody, I hope these stories help inspire you. You are an amazing writer and motivator. You also live a textured, interesting life. Grieve a little, then continue living your best life. I guarantee you the feeling of being invisible will become a thing of the past.
So, to all the Italian men you referenced in your blog…Look out!
Originally posted 2016-06-22 13:09:33.
Connection-How To Find It
Rave:
Connection-How to Find it. I’m grateful Mom is a 96-year-old happy woman who still inspires so many. Grateful because if I read the article below, not knowing it doesn’t have to be that way, I’d be breathing in a bag right now:
http://www.nextavenue.org/boomers-less-tied-to-friends-and-family-than-others-are/
It states:
The most dramatic change in social engagement was observed in 55- to 64-year-olds. This cohort, which is nearing retirement, is not only engaging less with their communities, but they have fewer meaningful interactions with their spouses or partners and weaker ties to family and friends.
Mom grabs life any way she can. Sister Linda and I live in Virginia and all of her friends and family are gone. Connection is extremely important to her. Whether it be eating breakfast at the same deli every morning because, “I have to see people every day” to walking around the common area at her condo to “be in touch with a little nature ” or knocking on a neighbor’s door to introduce herself. She said hello to a family next door who had a little boy. She supported his school by buying wrapping paper and chocolate over the years. The last time I was there, that ‘little boy’ was 19 and home from his first year of college. He saw Mom as we walked to our car, ran out of his house and gave her the biggest hug. They talked for 15 minutes about college and his life. As I watched the two of them, I couldn’t help getting teary eyed. Mom was in heaven. When we got in the car she said to me, “See, it doesn’t take much.”
Rant:
Connection is risky but at this point in our lives, we probably have taken a few risks along the way. That’s why the article from http://www.nextavenue.org was jaw dropping. Really? People disengage? YIKES! A good friend said, “Risk taking is a conscious decision.” I agree. When we were younger, most of us thought less about the consequences associated with taking a risk. As time goes by, we tend to forget how elated and proud we were when something we jumped into worked out. It seems now we concentrate more on the “I think I’ll remain in my comfort zone because I don’t need to prove anything anymore” mode.
The questions we ask, before taking on something new or getting out of our comfort zones, change. 10 or 20 years ago we might have said, “What do I have to lose?” Now the questions become, What do I really want? What am I missing? Am I happy? If the answer, especially to the last question, is no, take a deep breath and dive right in.
(This portion taken from a previous blog dated March, 2014)
Connection:
Keeps you in touch with you
Keeps you interesting
Keeps you involved in life
Keeps you healthy
Keeps you engaged with others
Keeps you excited
Attitude:
How to find connection:
Volunteer. There are so many people in our age groups that are volunteering. Even if you are an introvert, it’s a great way to connect with others of like mind.
Take a trip. Day trips, overnights, cruises, educational…So many trips out there. I know people who have made life long friends from all over the world.
Go for a walk. Nature is a wonderful feeling of connection.
Learn something new. Everyone in a class is there because they want to learn something new, too. Takes the scary out of trying it when you realize that.
Sample working with your hands. A friend of mine started knitting. She’s in the knit shop all the time getting mistakes corrected and meeting others in her same situation.
Read.
Learn to dance. Everyone is a novice.
Smile a lot. People will be drawn to you. I see it with Mom all the time.
Get a pet if you can. Nothing like walking a dog to meet other people.
Knock on a neighbor’s door. I moved to Dallas Texas not knowing anyone. My girlfriend, who drove to Texas with me said she was going next door to meet my neighbor so I would at least know someone. NOOOOOOO, I said. Believe it or not, I was quite the introvert and very shy. I practically tackled her! Well, she did it anyway and it’s a good thing she did. He knew everyone in the apartment complex and included me in all that was going on. I learned right then if she had not made that move, I would have been so very lonely. That lesson has served me well.
Join a team sport: After reading this post the day I published, a rowing buddy and my good friend Eleanor reminded me that 3 out of the 4 of us that rowed the Head of the Charles (a premier rowing regatta in Boston) had all begun rowing in our 50’s! How could I forget that!! When we started in our respective novice programs none of us knew what we were doing, but we have stuck with it. The camaraderie and team spirit we have developed between the four us as well as the rest of the team will last us a lifetime.
Three of us started rowing in our mid-50’s
Please, please, please stay connected! What ever that looks like for you. It will prolong your life.
Just look at Mom!
These folks are in their 60’s and 70’s
My friends visit Mom when they are in Florida!
Mom’s 95th. These people are in their late 90’s
Originally posted 2016-06-14 20:35:38.
What’s Age Got To Do With It? Nothing!
Rave:
What’s age got to do with it? According to my 96-year-old mother, NOTHING! I notice that she is never focused on how old she is and is always surprised at the reactions of others when they ask her age. Mom inspires others to think the same way just by being herself.
It’s not like she hasn’t experienced losses that remind her how old she is because she has. Mom is the only remaining member of her immediate family and the last of her friends. I can’t even imagine that. I’d be curled up in a ball somewhere. Not her. Even though she has had her share of losses, it isn’t a place where she dwells for very long.
I am on a rowing team with 22 other women. The youngest is 27, the oldest is…well, me. The fact that there is a 42 year difference between us doesn’t register. Actually, I take that back! Writing it here makes me want to breathe in a bag! Seriously though, it doesn’t stop me from participating and it certainly has never stopped Mom. She goes to a gym twice a week. She walks around her neighborhood, with the help of her aide, at least once a day. Her aide comes from 8 to 1pm, 6 days a week. One Sunday she told me she was going to walk outside to get some fresh air by herself. I remind her to take her walker after I am able to catch my breath. “Oh, I’ll be fine.” is her response. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” I scream inside myself but outwardly I remind her in as calm a voice as possible, that if she fell she’d not be a happy camper. “Okay, I won’t!” Whew! It’s like telling a teenager what the possible consequences could be for their actions. And, you know what, I wouldn’t have it any other way!
It’s not like she hasn’t experienced losses that remind her how old she is because she has.
What’s age got to do with it? That’s the look on her face when my sister Linda and I say, “Mom the doctor said you need to walk with your walker in the house.” She sustains that look and says, “I’m experimenting. I want to challenge myself. I walk close to things so I can grab on and I haven’t had to grab yet.” While challenging herself she has been overheard saying, “I did it. I did it.” Who can argue with that?
Attitude:
What’s age got to do with it? Nothing.
Mom’s vibrant, winning smile
Mom’s flowers…the ones on her nails.
I began writing this blog to let the world know we are not a stereotypical group of people growing older. I wonder where I got that from. I’m not saying you have to do it Mom’s way. However, every time you begin to think, “Well at my age I can’t do that or I shouldn’t do this…”
STOP!
Remember. Make up your own rules.
Let’s go for it together! I’m game.
Hope you are too.
Originally posted 2016-05-12 21:33:46.
Aging-Vulnerabilities
Rant:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
Hi there. It’s been a while!
I could say that life got in the way and that is partly true. If I were completely honest with myself and you, I’d say whatever confidence I had about writing encouraging words and wisdom vanished! It was fear! After all, who am I to communicate to others my experiences as a woman in my 70’s (OH MY!), with the hope that I could make a difference in other people’s lives. My 100-year-old Mom’s experiences, yes! Not mine.
I found every excuse in the world for not doing the one thing that I love, writing. But this is personal stuff, I thought. This is baring my soul, showing my vulnerabilities. It felt like I was back in the seventh grade. Remember THAT feeling? All those ‘what if’s’: What if people don’t like me anymore or think I’m full of myself! What if they think my writing sucks! Do you know what I discovered? Those seventh-grade feelings are visceral! They’re in my DNA. Who knew! Did you? Now that’s a blog for another day.
Rave:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
In the past year, I have had occasions that have shown me, yes, I’ve been around a while and I have had life experiences that possibly/probably will resonate with others.
So I’m taking a deep breath while I write, vulnerabilities be damned.
Attitude:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
I will be writing about those experiences very soon.
I look forward to sharing them with you and receiving your feedback.
I think I just graduated!
Originally posted 2020-04-16 23:28:31.