Category Archives: Rave
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
Rave:
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
I remember hearing family members say it was hard to be around so and so because they complained all the time. Then someone would say, ‘They’re old. They’re entitled!’ Consequently, it left an impression on me…old people are entitled to complain.
My 100-year-old mother has never been a complainer! She could have been. Her mother was put in an institution when Mom was 12 years old and her dad died of pneumonia shortly afterward, leaving Mom to live with her sister. At age 17 she met my Dad, got married, had the three of us, and then he left. On top of that, she lost her oldest daughter to cancer. I could go on.
I asked her why she wasn’t bitter. “I have always felt loved,” she said.
The smile you can see a mile away
February of this year was Mom’s 100th birthday. The celebration was awesome. We beat the Pandemic by a week. Consequently, we have not seen her since. She does have an aide 6 days a week from 8 AM to 1 PM which is all she requires.
Linda and I call her every day.
Our conversations go something like this:
“Hi, Ma! How are you?
“Everything is wonderful,” she sings out (literally).
“What did you do today?”
“I walked around the parking lot 3 times. You know, my beautiful tree is coming back to life. I bet it’s because I talk to it every day.”
“What did you have for dinner?”(Her aide makes everything before she leaves)
“I have absolutely no idea so I only ate half! It was ok.”
And it goes on…
She makes us laugh. She tells us how much she loves us. We giggle like three school kids.
Attitude:
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
I’ve written down some of Mom’s best lines during this Pandemic:
-I don’t expect miracles
-I love my house
-I’m grateful and thankful
-I’ve become a sports fan. I love basketball and golf.
-I’m happy
-Don’t worry. I’m doing fine.
-Love you, love you, love you, girls!
If Mom’s attitude is based on the premise that she’s always felt loved and the above is the result of feeling that love, then as the famous line in When Harry Met Sally goes, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
We can remind ourselves that we ‘have always felt loved’ by thinking of family, friends, and even our animals whose love and affection have sustained us through the best and worst of times.
Mom has gained perspective over the years. She has known through thick and thin that her mantra has helped her make it through. Maybe it’s time we borrow her mantra and make it our own.
She would be thrilled.
Originally posted 2020-05-19 19:17:13.
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
Rave:
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
I flew to LA, January of 2019, to meet up with two friends I’ve known for over 40 years. We first met in Dallas Texas in 1975. You could say we grew up together. Eventually, Patty moved to California, Annie moved to Australia and I moved to Virginia.
It was time for a get together.
Patty showed us a wonderful time. A tour of LA, The Getty and other fantastic places.
We even took a train from Patty’s home in Simi Valley to Santa Barbara http://www.santabarbaraca.com for the day. A train! A whistleblowing, honest to goodness train! Very exciting. We boarded a late train back to Simi Valley. As we sat down facing each other ready to kick back, two guys maybe 18 or 19 years old, sat directly across the aisle.
What caught our attention immediately was the sound coming out of one of the boys’ phones. It was Bob Dylan! Wait. What? Bob Dylan?
After listening for awhile we had to ask:
Why Bob Dylan?
Because he is a premier poet and musician, they said.
A very impressive, thought out answer!
We watched him become famous, we responded.
As a result of that statement, the questions began to fly:
Who were the first musical groups you saw? they inquired.
Jimi Hendrix (Patty), ELO (Me), The Rolling Stones with opening act Rod Stewart, who no one knew, in his gold lame skin-tight jumpsuit. (Annie).
What other musicians, groups did you listen to?
Sting, Beatles Doobies, Chicago, Eagles, Eric Clapton, James Taylor and Carol King.
They had listened to them all.
What do the three of you do for a living?
We’re retired.
Wow retired young! (Such nice guys) What’s the secret to doing that?
Patty: I just read that to retire on your own terms at say 55, you’re going to need at least 5 million dollars.
The color faded from their faces but they seemed not to be deterred.
How do we get there?
Patty: Save and diversify your portfolio.
Annie: It’s all about the connections you make. Make good ones.
Me: Work hard, be vigilant, work at what you love. The money will come.
Have the three of you ever tried recreational drugs?
Yes. (It was the 70’s for goodness sakes)
I like marijuana. I sorta like LSD. I’ve done it a few times when I listen to music. I don’t like Cocaine the less talkative one said.
We asked if cocaine and LSD were as prevalent as they used to be given marijuana is legal in California.
Yes.
Where do you live?
When I said I lived in Virginia, one of them said he was thinking of transferring from UC Santa Barbara to a college in the east. Which colleges in DC would I recommend?
I said Georgetown and American.
Before we knew it an hour and a half had passed. It was time for us to leave.
Hey, we said, who turned you on to Bob Dylan?
My grandfather, the more talkative one responded!!
Of course it was his grandfather!!
Attitude:
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
We were disappointed that our part of the journey had come to an end, however, when we got off the train Annie said she felt like she’d been to confession!!
That being said the ride gave the 3 of us the opportunity to ‘re-live’ some of the best times of our ‘growing up’ together. Sharing wisdom and parts of that experience with those 2 kids, who soaked up every word, made it really special.
According to Wikipedia http://www.en.m.wikipedia.org: ‘The meme ‘Ok Boomer’ gained popularity in November of 2019 used to mock attitudes attributed to the baby boomer generation.’ Every generation has a problem with the generations that came before them. And vice versa. Remember when Rock-n-Roll first came on the scene?
I’m sure Boomers did a lot of things wrong but I’m pretty sure we did a lot right.
Take that grandfather who turned his grandson on to what the three of us think is the greatest music ever written…Hey, we’re Boomers. And, that grandfather seemed to have raised a child who raised a child to appreciate, respect and value the experiences and advice of those who came before him.
Yep, to sum it up, I’d say we’re okay, Boomers!
Originally posted 2020-04-24 13:21:53.
Tip For A Long Life: Laugh-Play
Rant:
Tip for a long life: laugh-play!! Did you know the word ‘play’ can be used as both a noun and a verb? The example given using ‘play’ as a noun is, “a child at play may use a stick as an airplane.” ‘Play’ used as a verb, is defined as ‘activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.’ Example given: “the children went outside to play.”
And therein lies the rub. How come I could not find any examples using the word ‘adult’ when describing the word play? Does something happen to us as we ‘grow-up’? Does society give us the message that ‘play’ is only for children and at a certain age it’s time to get serious about life? I think it does. And, guess what, we forget about playing!! I’m talking about ‘activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose’ too! I’m talking about ‘goofing’ around, giggling, screaming with delight, laughing so hard no sound comes out, doing a silly dance, jumping in a pile of leaves, expressing yourself for pure enjoyment whether through art or dance or any of a thousand other ways!
Rave:
Laugh-play, that’s my Mom. She has such a cute little girl. Oh, wait, I bet you think I’m talking about me! Nope. I’m talking about the little girl that’s inside her. I realize that I have known her little girl since I was a little girl!
See Mom’s little girl in this photo? I can.
Mom being a goof
Mom was a single parent and on most Sunday mornings my two sisters and I would pile into her double bed, which at the time seemed enormous. The biggest fight we had was who was getting each side of her. “You were there last time, Susan. It’s my turn”, I’d say. Mom would intervene and figure it out then we’d settle down and wrap ourselves around each other. We would giggle and laugh and talk about silly things. She was as silly as we were. At our goofiest we would make up games and songs. She would tell us the whole story about musicals such as South Pacific or My Fair Lady and transport us to wonderful places. As we aged subjects were added, like taking care of ourselves as young women. I remember the first time Mom told Susan it was okay for her to pluck her eyebrows, then looked at Susan and said, “Susan, what happened to your eyebrows?” Hence laughing so hard no sound came out. I visited Mom a few weeks ago (right before her 96th birthday). When I awoke the first morning my little girl was all excited to jump in bed with Mom and her little girl, which is exactly what I did! As we were snuggling she said to me, “Too bad we don’t have a paper route. I could fold them, you could throw them!” Once again laughter, giggling and goofing commenced.
I believe that the little boy or little girl we once were still lives within us. I am amazed to learn that many people are surprised when I say that. My friend Ann Ranson is one of those people. I was telling her a story about Mom’s little girl and she said, “Wait, your Mom has a little girl? I didn’t know there was a little girl/boy still with us.” Well, I say ‘yes!’ Ann has always talked about playing more and creating more. I saw her recently and BOY has she tapped into her little girl. She sets a timer and when it goes off the music plays, that’s her time to dance around her house. She also has carved out a space to create her art and recently was accepted into a show at the Bath House Cultural Center.
Look closely at this photo of my friends Andy Taylor and Marie Taylor-Morrison. Andy is in the stripped shirt and Marie is to his right. Two ‘kids’ having the time of their lives! For the record, play and fun are a HUGE part of their lives together to this day and I love it!
Andy and Marie…doing what they do best…PLAYING
Attitude:
If you are a parent or grandparent with young children, show them that play and laughter are wonderful things. Play WITH them. So, I say to you, get re-acquainted with that little person. Experiment. Give yourself permission to be a goofball, laugh, sing, dance, scream with joy and giggle with abandon!
I believe we still carry that little girl or boy inside us because I see and hear my 96-year-old Mother’s little girl all the time! Wow, thank you Mom!! If she is any indication that laugh and play helps prolong our lives what are you waiting for?
Originally posted 2016-02-10 20:09:36.
5 Myths About Aging Debunked
Rave:
Myth number one debunked: Your age doesn’t have to dictate your style!
Case in point: Some of Mom’s shoes and one of her tops:
Age should never dictate your dress!
Mom’s new top
“Hi Ma, whatcha doin?” “I’m playing in my closet” she says. And I think to myself, “I wonder how many 95 year old women ‘play’ in their closet?” She is trying on clothes to either have lunch with a friend, go to the hair salon or the grocery store! Mom’s philosophy about her style is to buy clothes that appeal to her. She doesn’t think whether clothes are ‘age appropriate’. She thinks about how they look on her, period. She buys timeless pieces because eventually “they come back in style.” Every once in awhile, she’ll catalog shop and buy a new outfit to ‘update’ her wardrobe. Her clothes are bright and happy. When I am with her, there isn’t a day that goes by that someone doesn’t compliment her on how she looks. I think they are surprised to see what they perceive as an ‘older’ woman, dressing with style and panache and they like it! BOOM! Debunked!
Myth number two debunked: Desire may change but the need for connection and touch never does!
Mom and Bern sitting close
I read an article in the Washington Post Magazine www.washingtonpost.com/magazine recently, about flibanserin, the ‘female viagra’. The FDA has approved flibanserin for pre-menopausal women. Frankly I was steamed! What about the POST-M women? There must not be anyone at the FDA who is over the age of 55!! Then, I remember an incident with Mom about 5 years ago: There was an article sitting on her counter titled something like, ‘Teach a man to kiss the way you want to be kissed!’ “So Mom, what’s with this article?”, I say. “Oh honey, how do you think Bern (her boyfriend) would feel if I gave him this to read? He’s just a little off in that department.” BOOM! Debunked!
Myth number three debunked: You are never too old to find true love!
You’re never too old to find the love of your life
I received a call at the beginning of September from my dear friend Beverly, who has been single since before we met, which was in the early ’90’s. She told me she had found the love of her life who asked her to marry him and could they get married in my home? “WOW! of course!” I screamed!! Beverly has lived in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico for more than 20 years. She is the owner of a very successful business called, lifepathretreats.com. She wrote these remarks for my last blog http://newageaging.com/if-i-knew-then-what-i-know-now-part-two : “I feel so fortunate to have had all of the experiences that I have had as a single person to understand the importance of being myself, loving fully, being happy being single and being present in every moment. The experiences that I had and the lessons I have learned have given me the wisdom and insight in order to love with abandon and yet maintain my own self. It’s truly a gift.” Michael is 75. Beverly is 68. To add to myth number three debunked: Mom and Bern met when they were both 84.
BOOM! Debunked!
Myth number four debunked: Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean you have to act that way!
Mom goofing!
We thought she went into the store for that hat!
Mom laughs and plays all the time. She reminds me to play and laugh and goof. It’s good for the soul!
BOOM! Debunked!
Myth number five debunked: You can have an eclectic, interesting, diverse set of friends at any age. Mother cultivates relationships with people of all ages. She calls to check on them and they call her. They share meals, go to the movies and attend each others’ parties. BOOM! Debunked!
Mom’s 95th. These people were in their late 90’s
Mom’s 95th. These folks were in their 60’s and 70’s
Attitude:
Do not allow yourself to be defined by books, magazines, society, other people or the media when it comes to growing up. Let’s show them that this aging process is so much more than we have been led to believe. BOOM!
Let me know what you think. And, please share my blog with your friends.
Originally posted 2015-10-21 20:33:24.