Category Archives: Attitude
When “Do As I Say” becomes “Do As I Do”
http://www.nextavenue.org re-posted this piece once again, originally written in 2015 in honor of Mother’s Day and my mom.
Their title: My Mother, My Inspiration…
Rant:
You remember the phrase our parents used to say, “Do as I say, not as I do?” Here are some “Do as I say” edicts spoken by my Mother:
-Sit up straight.
-Walk looking up, not down at your feet. (My sister Linda stepped on a nail when she tried that!)
-Your face is going to freeze like that.
-Don’t talk to strangers.
-Yes you are going with me to so and so’s house. Why? Because I said so.
-Go to school. If you still feel sick in a few hours, call me.
-Play nice with others. Treat them as you want to be treated.
-Put on lipstick. You never know who you are going to meet.
Rave:
There were 25 people at Mom’s 95th birthday February 2nd. It was a joyous, energized and eclectic occasion filled with relatives and friends, old and young, gay and straight, black and white. People couldn’t wait to hug and kiss her and tell stories about where they met and how she inspires them.
Linda and I are in the most enviable position of being able to focus, and change, the second half of the phrase ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’ We now tell ourselves, as we navigate through our lives, ‘do as she does’ .
Attitude:
I bet some people look at Mom’s wonderful smile and her ‘in the moment’ energy and think, “Wow, this woman has had an easy, happy life.” From loosing both her parents by the age of 12, raising three children with no child support, to the loss of one of her daughters, how wrong they would be.
Author Vivian Greene wrote: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”
This is how Mom chooses to dance:
-By not putting herself down, beating herself up or saying negative things that demean who she is.
-By never saying, ‘why me?’
-By accepting that “this is the way life is.”
-By recognizing the good in others and treating everyone as an individual. She still tells Linda and me not to speak to strangers, but she never meets a stranger. It doesn’t matter if it is a clerk in a store or the person in the auto detailing shop, the first thing she’ll ask is their name.
-By never forgetting about the little girl who lives within her. She brings her out to play. When I called the other night, she told me she was watching a ‘penguin movie’ and could not talk. She failed to hang up the phone properly so I was able to listen to her laugh, all by herself, while watching Happy Feet on TV.
-By repeating daily, “Some one up there is watching out for us and I’m so GRATEFUL.” Grateful being the optimum word.
-By getting out of her house and engaging in life. “I have to see people every day.”
-By saying, “Exercise. I notice one of the first things to go are your legs.” Mom rides a stationary bike at a gym almost every day.
-By carrying herself with dignity and grace with her head held high. And I don’t remember her ever stepping on a nail!
-By putting her lipstick on before she walks out of the house!
Mom at 95, rocking those red lips and looking her elegant self
Do what she does? You bet. I’m learning how to dance in the rain.
One of my goals is to celebrate my 95th birthday, happy and healthy, with family and a group of eclectic friends, while wearing a brilliant shade of red lipstick!
How about you?
Originally posted 2017-05-14 11:37:34.
If I Knew Then What I Know Now…Part Two
Rave:
My last post: http://newageaging.com/if-i-knew-then-what-i-know-now-part-one reflected on the ‘Aha’ moments I had attending my 50th year high school reunion the beginning of August this year. You know how it is when you have your own ‘Aha’ moments. Signs appear everywhere telling you that those moments of clarity can be incorporated into your life as lessons learned.
I am beginning to hear from women in their early to late 30’s who are wanting their moments of clarity when it comes to aging well. Delphine wrote on my About page on August 27th: “I’m happy to have found your blog. I believe that aging well is something that you can learn to do – and I want to learn how! Thank you for creating this positive space!”
I emailed a woman who approached me after a speech I gave, and asked her if there were any specific subjects I could write on that would appeal to her and her age group? This was her response, “I think women my age need to focus on keeping it real, not beating ourselves up. We take on a lot and always do for others. We need to have fun and embrace aging. I like the European style of not focusing on being perfect…I am a big fan of aging gracefully.”
Attitude:
That got me to thinking, if I and other women had the opportunity to talk to our 30-something year old selves, and say…hmmm, if I knew then what I know now…what would we say?
Linda B. age 68, writes:
“Stop wasting all that time worrying.
Be true to yourself.
Stop working so hard to the detriment of your family.
In marriage-You do not have to be right all the time. Let it go!
In work-Don’t ever let them see you cry! I was smarter than the men I worked with back then but didn’t realize it.
Every dog has their day. Be patient.”
Margaret B. age 51, writes:
“Surround yourself with kind and genuine people-they come in all shapes, sizes and income categories.
Don’t follow the glitter and the glitz all the time. In the end it usually loses its’ sparkle.
Don’t waste your time on men that don’t love you more then you love them.
It is OK to be single, no matter what the magazines, your friends (not if they are genuine) or co-workers say.
Don’t live beyond your means but make sure to treat yourself in big or small ways. You work hard & you deserve it. Whether it is a trip (near or far), a new pair of shoes, a pedicure or a glass of your favorite wine and a good book-embrace and enjoy!”
Brenda age 65, writes:
“Dear Me at 35: You are so worthy of being cherished, loved and respected. Tell yourself this everyday and believe it to be true. Only be in relationships, including the one with yourself that believe this about you and treat you this way.”
Anonymous age 73, writes:
“I wish I had known, at 35, in my gut, that I was beautiful. By that I mean, I wish I had risked taking pride in my looks, feeling foxy, flirty, admiring my own body, my smile, my curls, been willing to invite attention to myself, relishing attention when it came my way. I was raised to be modest and self-deprecating, and I got that all too right!
I wish I had, by 35, richer experiences of my own sexuality, my own pleasures. I had borne 2 children and been married twice by 35! Only later did I welcome full sexual pleasures of my own, with a partner and without.
I can’t turn these 2 wishes around and say I’m glad I didn’t know these things at 35. I wish I had. I like to think my soul would have been stronger, and I could have protected myself better from hurtful people, but of course I can never know. However, I’m very glad I know them now, at 73.”
Ann R. age 63, writes:
“On parenting – even though at 35 I was not yet a parent, I became one at 38. I would tell Mother Ann to let go of the idea of being a perfect parent. That if the best I could do was to love unconditionally my son, then I would be giving him the greatest gift and example for how to live. I just now realized the power of the gift of love.”
Susan B. age 68, writes:
“I don’t think my thoughts are the norm. After losing my Mom so suddenly, at a young age, I was very focused on appreciating each day and not taking the blessings in my life for granted. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Maybe I would have told myself not to worry so much.”
Beverly N. Ph.D age 68, writes:
Do no harm. But take no crap.
You teach people how to treat you.
Keep those shoulders back and show those breasts! Be proud!!! (from my Girl Scout Leader, Mrs. Ludden).
Be authentic in your relationships.
Take care of yourself — no one else can do a better job.
Don’t settle.
Figure out what you want; then figure out how to get it.
Sleep cures a plethora of things; hunger, depression, fatigue, confusion, sadness, loneliness…
You can’t be unhappy after going to the park, taking a walk, or riding a bike.
When you want something, sleep on it. If in two to three days you still want it GO GET IT!!!!
Go slowly in a relationship because if it’s solid, it will last and doesn’t have to be hurried. You have the rest of your life to watch it unfold.
Get your priorities right: your God, yourself, your closest relationships and family, your friends, your home/nature/outdoors, play, charity/give back, work if you’re lucky enough to have a job.
Pamela Z. age 68, writes:
If you feel the need to compete, compete only with yourself. Competing with women will only make you feel bad about yourself.
You don’t need to know everything. And, you won’t. You’ll be in learning mode your entire life. Be open to it. Listen to it. Embrace those ‘Aha’ moments.
Everything changes.
Cultivate girlfriends you honor and trust and make sure to keep them in your life, for the rest of your life!
Know you are lovable and worthy of being loved at any age. As Salma Hayek says: http://www.people.com/article/salma-hayek-words-wisdom-dating-advice:’I wish I could have told my younger self…”You are going to end up with the best guy in the world.” ‘
Mom and boyfriend Bern in 2008 when they were both 89 yrs old. They met in 2002.
Exercise
Moisturize
Having bad posture makes you look older than you are. Shoulders back, head up, starting now.
Seek out women whom you admire that are older than you. You will be surprised how many are already in your life. Watch them. Emulate them. They will teach you the art of aging well!
Originally posted 2015-09-14 19:10:49.