Category Archives: Attitude
5 Reasons To Believe in Love After 50!
Rant:
I am writing 5 reasons to believe in love after 50 in response to an article I read recently: http://gateway-women.com/but-what-if-i-dont-want-to-wear-purple-when-im-old/. Although Jody Day’s blog was started in 2011 to support women who are childless (not by choice), which I also relate to, this particular post talks mainly about her having to grieve once again. This time the grief is related to feeling invisible to men after 50.
I will go a step further and say that after a certain age, the whole lot of us become invisible. The awareness of that feeling can leave a person with such a sense of ‘ugh’ in the pit of their stomach. I’ve been there.
While I can relate to Jody’s sense of grief, a day came when I thought, “Hey, wait a minute, how rich and diverse and multi-layered I have become precisely due to the years I’ve been on this earth. No-one or anything can take that away from me, except me!!” Hence, a major shift occurred. It’s one of the main reasons I began this blog.
It’s noteworthy that there are people over 50 that relish their lives without a partner. I get that. There are also people who read my blog that have been married for 20, 30, even 50 years, that are probably saying, ‘What the heck are you all thinking?’ HA! Kidding…!
Rave:
5 reasons to believe in love after 50:
Me, Mom, Cindy, Beverly and one who shall remain anonymous!
ME– Once that ‘ugh’ left the pit of my tummy, my smile returned and so did my zest for living my best life. I took care of me first then everything else seemed to fall into place. Soon after joining a dating site (after 12 years of being single) I met Jake. I was 55. He was only 2 years my junior and was looking for someone he could relate to. The rest is history.
MOM–“I’m done cooking! The kitchen is closed!” That’s what my 96-year-old Mom said when at age 80 she lost her husband. She was done with marriage. She was married over 30 years the second time around. Not that her marriage was bad. It wasn’t. Three years later, while walking out of a restaurant, she stopped to say hello to friends who were dining with a friend of theirs. As she walked away from their table, Bern, the friend, got up and followed Mom out the door. They were together for over 10 years. The dynamics were different this time around. Mom called him her “SO” (significant other). Mom asked Bern what made him run after her. He said he was captivated by her smile. He lived in his home and Mom lived in hers. They were in love until he passed away. And by the way, her kitchen remained closed!!
Bern and Mom
CINDY–I put Cindy in the category of women who for many years relished being single. She has travelled and continues to travel all over the world. She is a cyclist, avid reader, takes classes at a nearby college and has friends all over the place. I know she wasn’t looking for a relationship. It found her. Bruce cycles with her and others. Over a period of time something drew them to each other and BOOM…they are having a wonderful time.
Bruce and Cindy at a Paul McCartney concert
BEVERLY–Dr. Beverly Nelson has a Ph.D in clinical psychology. She is the founder and director of www.lifepathretreats.com in San Miguel de Allende Mexico. Like Cindy, I have known Beverly for over 30 years. What a rich, textured, interesting life she leads. Another exquisite woman who relished her single life until falling in love with Michael. They were married in our home last year.
Michael and Beverly. Married in our home last year.
ONE WHO SHALL REMAIN ANONYMOUS–A friend who has never married, content with her life, her home, her community and her job found love and relationship after 50 with a man she had a crush on years ago. They are having a wonderful adventure.
Attitude:
5 (more) reasons to believe in love after 50:
- Never say never.
- It can happen to you if you want it to.
- Realize men and women have the same desire to find someone they can relate to.
- Be proud of the years of experience that make you you.
- There is nothing more attractive than a smile. Find yours first, everything else will follow.
Most of all Jody, I hope these stories help inspire you. You are an amazing writer and motivator. You also live a textured, interesting life. Grieve a little, then continue living your best life. I guarantee you the feeling of being invisible will become a thing of the past.
So, to all the Italian men you referenced in your blog…Look out!
Originally posted 2016-06-22 13:09:33.
Connection-How To Find It
Rave:
Connection-How to Find it. I’m grateful Mom is a 96-year-old happy woman who still inspires so many. Grateful because if I read the article below, not knowing it doesn’t have to be that way, I’d be breathing in a bag right now:
http://www.nextavenue.org/boomers-less-tied-to-friends-and-family-than-others-are/
It states:
The most dramatic change in social engagement was observed in 55- to 64-year-olds. This cohort, which is nearing retirement, is not only engaging less with their communities, but they have fewer meaningful interactions with their spouses or partners and weaker ties to family and friends.
Mom grabs life any way she can. Sister Linda and I live in Virginia and all of her friends and family are gone. Connection is extremely important to her. Whether it be eating breakfast at the same deli every morning because, “I have to see people every day” to walking around the common area at her condo to “be in touch with a little nature ” or knocking on a neighbor’s door to introduce herself. She said hello to a family next door who had a little boy. She supported his school by buying wrapping paper and chocolate over the years. The last time I was there, that ‘little boy’ was 19 and home from his first year of college. He saw Mom as we walked to our car, ran out of his house and gave her the biggest hug. They talked for 15 minutes about college and his life. As I watched the two of them, I couldn’t help getting teary eyed. Mom was in heaven. When we got in the car she said to me, “See, it doesn’t take much.”
Rant:
Connection is risky but at this point in our lives, we probably have taken a few risks along the way. That’s why the article from http://www.nextavenue.org was jaw dropping. Really? People disengage? YIKES! A good friend said, “Risk taking is a conscious decision.” I agree. When we were younger, most of us thought less about the consequences associated with taking a risk. As time goes by, we tend to forget how elated and proud we were when something we jumped into worked out. It seems now we concentrate more on the “I think I’ll remain in my comfort zone because I don’t need to prove anything anymore” mode.
The questions we ask, before taking on something new or getting out of our comfort zones, change. 10 or 20 years ago we might have said, “What do I have to lose?” Now the questions become, What do I really want? What am I missing? Am I happy? If the answer, especially to the last question, is no, take a deep breath and dive right in.
(This portion taken from a previous blog dated March, 2014)
Connection:
Keeps you in touch with you
Keeps you interesting
Keeps you involved in life
Keeps you healthy
Keeps you engaged with others
Keeps you excited
Attitude:
How to find connection:
Volunteer. There are so many people in our age groups that are volunteering. Even if you are an introvert, it’s a great way to connect with others of like mind.
Take a trip. Day trips, overnights, cruises, educational…So many trips out there. I know people who have made life long friends from all over the world.
Go for a walk. Nature is a wonderful feeling of connection.
Learn something new. Everyone in a class is there because they want to learn something new, too. Takes the scary out of trying it when you realize that.
Sample working with your hands. A friend of mine started knitting. She’s in the knit shop all the time getting mistakes corrected and meeting others in her same situation.
Read.
Learn to dance. Everyone is a novice.
Smile a lot. People will be drawn to you. I see it with Mom all the time.
Get a pet if you can. Nothing like walking a dog to meet other people.
Knock on a neighbor’s door. I moved to Dallas Texas not knowing anyone. My girlfriend, who drove to Texas with me said she was going next door to meet my neighbor so I would at least know someone. NOOOOOOO, I said. Believe it or not, I was quite the introvert and very shy. I practically tackled her! Well, she did it anyway and it’s a good thing she did. He knew everyone in the apartment complex and included me in all that was going on. I learned right then if she had not made that move, I would have been so very lonely. That lesson has served me well.
Join a team sport: After reading this post the day I published, a rowing buddy and my good friend Eleanor reminded me that 3 out of the 4 of us that rowed the Head of the Charles (a premier rowing regatta in Boston) had all begun rowing in our 50’s! How could I forget that!! When we started in our respective novice programs none of us knew what we were doing, but we have stuck with it. The camaraderie and team spirit we have developed between the four us as well as the rest of the team will last us a lifetime.
Three of us started rowing in our mid-50’s
Please, please, please stay connected! What ever that looks like for you. It will prolong your life.
Just look at Mom!
These folks are in their 60’s and 70’s
My friends visit Mom when they are in Florida!
Mom’s 95th. These people are in their late 90’s
Originally posted 2016-06-14 20:35:38.
What’s Age Got To Do With It? Nothing!
Rave:
What’s age got to do with it? According to my 96-year-old mother, NOTHING! I notice that she is never focused on how old she is and is always surprised at the reactions of others when they ask her age. Mom inspires others to think the same way just by being herself.
It’s not like she hasn’t experienced losses that remind her how old she is because she has. Mom is the only remaining member of her immediate family and the last of her friends. I can’t even imagine that. I’d be curled up in a ball somewhere. Not her. Even though she has had her share of losses, it isn’t a place where she dwells for very long.
I am on a rowing team with 22 other women. The youngest is 27, the oldest is…well, me. The fact that there is a 42 year difference between us doesn’t register. Actually, I take that back! Writing it here makes me want to breathe in a bag! Seriously though, it doesn’t stop me from participating and it certainly has never stopped Mom. She goes to a gym twice a week. She walks around her neighborhood, with the help of her aide, at least once a day. Her aide comes from 8 to 1pm, 6 days a week. One Sunday she told me she was going to walk outside to get some fresh air by herself. I remind her to take her walker after I am able to catch my breath. “Oh, I’ll be fine.” is her response. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” I scream inside myself but outwardly I remind her in as calm a voice as possible, that if she fell she’d not be a happy camper. “Okay, I won’t!” Whew! It’s like telling a teenager what the possible consequences could be for their actions. And, you know what, I wouldn’t have it any other way!
It’s not like she hasn’t experienced losses that remind her how old she is because she has.
What’s age got to do with it? That’s the look on her face when my sister Linda and I say, “Mom the doctor said you need to walk with your walker in the house.” She sustains that look and says, “I’m experimenting. I want to challenge myself. I walk close to things so I can grab on and I haven’t had to grab yet.” While challenging herself she has been overheard saying, “I did it. I did it.” Who can argue with that?
Attitude:
What’s age got to do with it? Nothing.
Mom’s vibrant, winning smile
Mom’s flowers…the ones on her nails.
I began writing this blog to let the world know we are not a stereotypical group of people growing older. I wonder where I got that from. I’m not saying you have to do it Mom’s way. However, every time you begin to think, “Well at my age I can’t do that or I shouldn’t do this…”
STOP!
Remember. Make up your own rules.
Let’s go for it together! I’m game.
Hope you are too.
Originally posted 2016-05-12 21:33:46.
5 Important Tips to Combat “Well, at your age”
Re-posting…
Rant:
“Well, at your age.” ” If I hear that one more time,” that’s what my mother-in-law Zelda used to say with such drama and sarcasm. Ya well, I’m beginning to relate. I asked my 98-year-old Mom if her doctor ever used that phrase? She said yes he had but only once. How did she get him to stop saying it, I inquired. “All I said was, how old are you doctor? He said he was 52. You know at your age lots of things are beginning to happen. Right? Would you like me to remind you of that fact every time I saw you?” While talking to the doctor Mom said all she could think about was that ‘little blue pill!’
Washington Post had an article in the Health & Science section by Steven Petrow called I’m a boomer who’s not yet ready to be old. Petrow says he’s “been steeped in the stereotypes of what it means to be old”. The example he gives is “funny”… “birthday cards that equate being older with being decrepit.” I actually bought a card last week to use in a future blog. I guess the time is now:
Really? 50 for goodness sake! Think back when you were 50 or headed that way, are you a lot of the above? I”ll give you ‘squinty’…but that’s all I’ll give you! At 50 I was running 10K’s, traveling all over the world, making a great living at a job I loved, dating and loving life! What about you? Oh, and by the way, the dwarfs were already 50 when we met them in the 1950’s and they carried pickaxes, got up at the crack of dawn, walked miles to work, hacked into the side of a mountain all day, threw big rocks onto a cart on a rail line and walked home in the dark!
Rave:
Mom says she doesn’t know what 96 is supposed to feel or be like. Case in point, the other day she told me she was a little unsteady on her feet and was wondering if it was possibly due to her age!
A girl I row with said, “you don’t look or act like you’re 72!” She’s 43. So, I was going to write another blog about the perceptions younger people have on age and old. And, boom, AARP publishes a video on-line two weeks ago: “We asked millennials to show us what “old” looks like, and then introduced them to real “old” people. Watch what happened next.” #DisruptAging I hope you watch it. It is very powerful.
I think between today’s Washington Post article and the AARP video, the universe is telling me I’m on the right path with my Rants, Raves and Attitudes!
Attitudes:
5 Tips to Combat “Well at your age”:
- Don’t drink the Kool-Aid! Just because you woke up and felt achy doesn’t mean it’s over, you’re old! What did you do the day before? Could be more than a millennial did! Just saying.
- Look at the positives: I find not beating myself up about stupid stuff I’ve said or done is freeing. When I was younger, oh I was so hard on myself. Glad I’m not anymore.
- Take a risk. A friend of mine calls it ‘sampling’. A neighbor told me he started a drawing class. He says he’s the worst in the class, but he didn’t care. Don’t care so much about the outcome. Just try it.
- Seek out like-minded people. People who are positive. People who are active, whatever that looks like.
- Be proud of where you are: I know I am the best almost 69-year-old person I can be. Do you? Are you enjoying life to the fullest? I hang out with lots of people who do as much, and some times more, than people younger than ourselves. I’m grateful I made it here. So, when someone asks you ‘how old are you anyway?’ say with a great deal of pride, “I’m (state your age).” It’ll take you back to your teens when you were so proud to say how old you were because you were growing up. YA, like that!!
Originally posted 2016-04-20 00:05:30.