Category Archives: Uncategorized
Aging-Vulnerabilities
Rant:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
Hi there. It’s been a while!
I could say that life got in the way and that is partly true. If I were completely honest with myself and you, I’d say whatever confidence I had about writing encouraging words and wisdom vanished! It was fear! After all, who am I to communicate to others my experiences as a woman in my 70’s (OH MY!), with the hope that I could make a difference in other people’s lives. My 100-year-old Mom’s experiences, yes! Not mine.
I found every excuse in the world for not doing the one thing that I love, writing. But this is personal stuff, I thought. This is baring my soul, showing my vulnerabilities. It felt like I was back in the seventh grade. Remember THAT feeling? All those ‘what if’s’: What if people don’t like me anymore or think I’m full of myself! What if they think my writing sucks! Do you know what I discovered? Those seventh-grade feelings are visceral! They’re in my DNA. Who knew! Did you? Now that’s a blog for another day.
Rave:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
In the past year, I have had occasions that have shown me, yes, I’ve been around a while and I have had life experiences that possibly/probably will resonate with others.
So I’m taking a deep breath while I write, vulnerabilities be damned.
Attitude:
Aging-Vulnerabilities
I will be writing about those experiences very soon.
I look forward to sharing them with you and receiving your feedback.
I think I just graduated!
Originally posted 2020-04-16 23:28:31.
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
Rave:
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
I remember hearing family members say it was hard to be around so and so because they complained all the time. Then someone would say, ‘They’re old. They’re entitled!’ Consequently, it left an impression on me…old people are entitled to complain.
My 100-year-old mother has never been a complainer! She could have been. Her mother was put in an institution when Mom was 12 years old and her dad died of pneumonia shortly afterward, leaving Mom to live with her sister. At age 17 she met my Dad, got married, had the three of us, and then he left. On top of that, she lost her oldest daughter to cancer. I could go on.
I asked her why she wasn’t bitter. “I have always felt loved,” she said.
The smile you can see a mile away
February of this year was Mom’s 100th birthday. The celebration was awesome. We beat the Pandemic by a week. Consequently, we have not seen her since. She does have an aide 6 days a week from 8 AM to 1 PM which is all she requires.
Linda and I call her every day.
Our conversations go something like this:
“Hi, Ma! How are you?
“Everything is wonderful,” she sings out (literally).
“What did you do today?”
“I walked around the parking lot 3 times. You know, my beautiful tree is coming back to life. I bet it’s because I talk to it every day.”
“What did you have for dinner?”(Her aide makes everything before she leaves)
“I have absolutely no idea so I only ate half! It was ok.”
And it goes on…
She makes us laugh. She tells us how much she loves us. We giggle like three school kids.
Attitude:
Aging: Dignity and Grace During a Pandemic
I’ve written down some of Mom’s best lines during this Pandemic:
-I don’t expect miracles
-I love my house
-I’m grateful and thankful
-I’ve become a sports fan. I love basketball and golf.
-I’m happy
-Don’t worry. I’m doing fine.
-Love you, love you, love you, girls!
If Mom’s attitude is based on the premise that she’s always felt loved and the above is the result of feeling that love, then as the famous line in When Harry Met Sally goes, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
We can remind ourselves that we ‘have always felt loved’ by thinking of family, friends, and even our animals whose love and affection have sustained us through the best and worst of times.
Mom has gained perspective over the years. She has known through thick and thin that her mantra has helped her make it through. Maybe it’s time we borrow her mantra and make it our own.
She would be thrilled.
Originally posted 2020-05-19 19:17:13.
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
Rave:
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
I flew to LA, January of 2019, to meet up with two friends I’ve known for over 40 years. We first met in Dallas Texas in 1975. You could say we grew up together. Eventually, Patty moved to California, Annie moved to Australia and I moved to Virginia.
It was time for a get together.
Patty showed us a wonderful time. A tour of LA, The Getty and other fantastic places.
We even took a train from Patty’s home in Simi Valley to Santa Barbara http://www.santabarbaraca.com for the day. A train! A whistleblowing, honest to goodness train! Very exciting. We boarded a late train back to Simi Valley. As we sat down facing each other ready to kick back, two guys maybe 18 or 19 years old, sat directly across the aisle.
What caught our attention immediately was the sound coming out of one of the boys’ phones. It was Bob Dylan! Wait. What? Bob Dylan?
After listening for awhile we had to ask:
Why Bob Dylan?
Because he is a premier poet and musician, they said.
A very impressive, thought out answer!
We watched him become famous, we responded.
As a result of that statement, the questions began to fly:
Who were the first musical groups you saw? they inquired.
Jimi Hendrix (Patty), ELO (Me), The Rolling Stones with opening act Rod Stewart, who no one knew, in his gold lame skin-tight jumpsuit. (Annie).
What other musicians, groups did you listen to?
Sting, Beatles Doobies, Chicago, Eagles, Eric Clapton, James Taylor and Carol King.
They had listened to them all.
What do the three of you do for a living?
We’re retired.
Wow retired young! (Such nice guys) What’s the secret to doing that?
Patty: I just read that to retire on your own terms at say 55, you’re going to need at least 5 million dollars.
The color faded from their faces but they seemed not to be deterred.
How do we get there?
Patty: Save and diversify your portfolio.
Annie: It’s all about the connections you make. Make good ones.
Me: Work hard, be vigilant, work at what you love. The money will come.
Have the three of you ever tried recreational drugs?
Yes. (It was the 70’s for goodness sakes)
I like marijuana. I sorta like LSD. I’ve done it a few times when I listen to music. I don’t like Cocaine the less talkative one said.
We asked if cocaine and LSD were as prevalent as they used to be given marijuana is legal in California.
Yes.
Where do you live?
When I said I lived in Virginia, one of them said he was thinking of transferring from UC Santa Barbara to a college in the east. Which colleges in DC would I recommend?
I said Georgetown and American.
Before we knew it an hour and a half had passed. It was time for us to leave.
Hey, we said, who turned you on to Bob Dylan?
My grandfather, the more talkative one responded!!
Of course it was his grandfather!!
Attitude:
Aging-3 Boomers on a Train
We were disappointed that our part of the journey had come to an end, however, when we got off the train Annie said she felt like she’d been to confession!!
That being said the ride gave the 3 of us the opportunity to ‘re-live’ some of the best times of our ‘growing up’ together. Sharing wisdom and parts of that experience with those 2 kids, who soaked up every word, made it really special.
According to Wikipedia http://www.en.m.wikipedia.org: ‘The meme ‘Ok Boomer’ gained popularity in November of 2019 used to mock attitudes attributed to the baby boomer generation.’ Every generation has a problem with the generations that came before them. And vice versa. Remember when Rock-n-Roll first came on the scene?
I’m sure Boomers did a lot of things wrong but I’m pretty sure we did a lot right.
Take that grandfather who turned his grandson on to what the three of us think is the greatest music ever written…Hey, we’re Boomers. And, that grandfather seemed to have raised a child who raised a child to appreciate, respect and value the experiences and advice of those who came before him.
Yep, to sum it up, I’d say we’re okay, Boomers!
Originally posted 2020-04-24 13:21:53.
5 Questions to Ask Husbands Who Recently Retired
Rant:
Here are 5 questions I would REALLY like to ask my husband who fully retired a few months ago:
- Do you realize you are following me around?
- Have you called Jack, John, Steve and/or ANYONE to see if you can meet them for lunch…on a regular basis?
- Is it true spouses can not testify against each other in a court of law?
- So, where are you going today?
- How is it possible to sit in one spot for 6 hours straight?
And, I must add this one told to me by a friend: “See this sheet of paper?” she said. “What is it?” he said. ” This is a stroke tally of how many times you called my name in the last hour!” It was the first day they were home together after his retirement!
It’s a good thing my husband Jake has a sense of humor. When I told him the theme of this blog, he said, “Just be as kind as you can.”
Before Jake’s retirement…Kidding!!
Rodney Brooks, a columnist for the Washington Post www.washingtonpost.com, wrote in the Business section on November 1, 2015, “So you retired. Now what do you do?” “Make sure you have something to do. Your marriage may depend on it.”
I’m thinking if you have a good marriage and good communication, getting through this phase may not be pleasant but doable, at least that is what a psychologist friend tells me. She also says the number one reason women come to her, after retirement age, is to learn how to deal with their husbands who are about to leave the workforce or have already left. She asks the wife if the husband would be amenable to talking with her? If so, she teaches them about ‘sampling.’ Sampling is merely trying different things, just to try them. If something appeals, great. If not, move on to something else. No pressure. No being overwhelmed.
Another fascinating article, “Can Your Marriage Survive Retirement?” dated January 24th, 2013, was written by Robert Laura, Contributor to Forbes: www.forbes.com. He says that, “Retirement seems particularly hard on men who haven’t prepared for the transition.” Laura also sites Miriam Goodman, author of Too Much Togetherness: Surviving Retirement As A Couple who “made the issue very real by noting that Japanese researchers have come up with a clinical diagnosis called Retired Husband Syndrome.” Women in Japan are visiting doctors with ‘physiological reactions like rashes, nervous tics, headaches,’ et al.
Attitude:
I feel a little guilty about slanting this post towards women and their plight, however, everything I read reinforced my observations. It got me thinking about how men in our generation were raised differently than women in terms of their number one defined role, that of breadwinner. Period! No wonder the transition to retirement is so hard. Women are multi-taskers. We can take care of a household, raise kids, WORK outside the home and seem more socially integrated. Leaving the workforce may be difficult for us, but we adapt quicker than our male counterparts.
I created a survey to see what you think. You can find it at the link below. I would appreciate you asking your spouse to take it, as well:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/r/N2HT6VR
Will Rogers once said, “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. The average person has roughly 20 years (remember this is Will Rogers era) remaining after retirement-time enough to write a masterpiece, run a marathon, or mentor hundreds of youth. There’s even time to do nothing, discover the beauty of grandkids, or rekindle the romance of a long ago relationship. Tomorrow can be the beginning of new adventures, new joys, and greater successes-how you spend it is up to you.”
I had a colleague who retired the minute he was eligible. His goal was to live the way his dad lived, 35 years after retirement, traveling, reading, doing whatever he wanted to do with or without his wife’s involvement. I just heard this wonderful man passed away. If I count the years since the day of his retirement I believe it would be very close to 35 years. Tony, you did it! I would call that a life well lived! I hope your two sons are inspired to do the same and they teach their sons and daughters the art of retiring well. I know you inspired a lot of us to follow in your footsteps!
Originally posted 2015-11-22 22:21:48.