If I Knew Then What I Know Now…Part One

 Rant:

Until a few weeks ago, it had been quite a while since I thought,  “Boy, if I knew then what I know now!” It happened at my 50th year high school reunion the beginning of August.  Reunions can be benchmarks of growth in one’s life. Wouldn’t you agree? If you have gone to a reunion of any sort, haven’t you walked away thinking, ‘Wow, I never would have thought that about that person/circumstance/situation.’ I am very proud of how far I’ve come.  And maybe, just maybe, if I share some of my insights after leaving my reunion I can make a difference in some one else’s life.

What I wish I did not do:

-Smoke!  Geez, what was I thinking.  It definitely impacted my skin.  And, who knows what it did to my insides.

-Be totally focused on the popular kids: trying to act, dress and talk like them.  And even after all that, I never felt accepted nor did I find my own identity.

-Boys, boys, boys.  Need I say more?

-Let the stigma of growing up in a single parent environment in the 50’s and early 60’s, run a lot of my life.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/aug/30/growing-up-under-the-divorce-cloud

-Put my education way down the list of priorities and importance.

-Make assumptions about people based strictly on appearance.

-Ignore a compliment.

-Complain profusely about having to work at age 16 every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.

 

Rave:

What I’m glad I did do:

 

-Listened to mom when she told me to moisturize every time I washed my face.

 

-Walked or rode my bike everywhere, swam at the local pool and skated on an iced parking lot all winter long.  Exercise. It’s second nature to me now.

-The boy who broke my heart in high school told me he peaked at 17 and has yet to find himself!! I’m glad we never married!!

-Started work at 16.  It taught me a work ethic that has served me well, throughout my entire professional life.

-Realized that if my Dad was in the picture, I never would have the wonderful, intimate relationship I have with my mom for a variety of reasons.

-Learned I never fit in with (who I thought) the popular kids were because I did not accept myself. It had nothing to do with them.  I went on my own personal journey.  That journey has taught me, don’t judge a book by it’s cover!

-Be thankful that even though education did not feel like a priority especially in high school, I received a wonderful education that has inspired me to be a life-long student.

-Learned to accept a compliment.

Attitude:

 

When I hear myself saying, “If I knew then what I know now”, I seem to follow it with, “Well, you didn’t so what difference does it make?” I realize life is a process, and if I knew EVERYTHING at 14 years old what would be the point of it all!!  Life is an adventure and if one chooses to be open to it, a constant source of “AHA!” moments that are woven together to create a unique tapestry called YOU!

STAYED TUNED FOR: IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW…PART TWO  I have asked some exquisite women to write what they would say to their 35-ish selves today. I can’t wait!!!

Originally posted 2015-08-30 18:04:48.

Take Care of Yourself. The Ultimate Gift.

RANT:

“Parents do expect their children will take care of them when they get older. Pamela.  The truth is many children don’t.”  That is what a social worker friend said to me in 1988 when I talked to her about my plan. I was living in Dallas, did not have children and wasn’t going to. My plan was to gather others who did not have children, form a group, get to know one another so we could rely on each other as we aged.  The above response from my friend floored me.  I said, “Huh? That can’t be right.  Who doesn’t take care of their parents?” “More people than you can imagine,” was her response.

I have seen firsthand how children respond to parents who expect to be taken care of by them.  It’s not pretty.  In this particular case, the mother had taken care of her mother and assumed the daughter would do the same for her.  The mother let her independence go when her husband passed away.  That included giving up driving before she needed to give it up.  As a friend of mine said, “It goes to show how out of touch the mother is with today’s world.”  I agree with my friend’s observation.  The daughter, who is in her early 70’s, has a husband, daughters and grandchildren.  She has a life of her own.  I know how much I dig in my heels when someone ‘expects’ that I respond a certain way! I REBEL.  That’s exactly what the daughter did.  How would you feel?

 

RAVE:

When I explained the above situation to my 95-year-old mother she said, “I was just as shocked when I moved to Florida and got a first hand look at friends whose children were not involved in their lives.  I personally can not imagine you and Linda not being in my life, however, parents should never expect to be taken care of by their kids.” Every time Mom has let my sister and me know that she has gone to the gym, paid all her bills, hired a handyman to fix things, made friends with folks who ultimately call her to make sure she is doing well, de-cluttered her home, updated her will, paid for her funeral arrangements (it’s reality folks), used her long-term health care policy to hire an aide for 6 hours a day…and the list goes on,  we are relieved.  And a voice inside of me says, “Thank you Mom.  Now, what can I do for you?”

 

ATTITUDE:

What I learned from that conversation in 1988 is whether you have children or not, taking care of yourself to the best of your ability is the ultimate gift!  Do whatever it takes to keep, or get, your own house in order.  There are many websites dedicated to physical, mental and spiritual health, finances, insurance and more. Study them.  Use them.

Listed below are a few of my favorites:

nextavenue.org: Where Grown-ups Keep Growing

seniorplanet.org: Aging with Attitude

prevention.com: Information about getting fit, losing weight and living healthier lives

aarp.org: Information on estate planning-living wills-trusts-inheritance

intentionswork.com: Leave a legacy of love

nealedonaldwalsch.com: Daily Inspiration

yogajournal.com: Learn to meditate and yoga transformation

lifepathretreats.com: Integrative Wellness Center and B&B

 

The ultimate gift is that by taking care of yourself now, you and all those who are close to you can breathe a sigh of relief and live long and unencumbered lives.

 

Originally posted 2015-07-27 02:01:31.